Sunday, January 15, 2017

Though of the day...

One of my friends posted quote today, "I you are not doing what you love, you are wasting your time."

Well, to answer  to this...  Most of us will never be able to do 100% what we love... So far... I have pretty damn amazing sex life with someone I love ... So, I am not wasting my time...   And working towards, getting the jobs I love... All will happen when time is right.....


SO.. I am doing exactly what I am supposed to be doing and loving it.... ;)


#peace

Wednesday, January 11, 2017

Interesting.... just interesting....

Relationships..   I don't even know from where to start.   I have whole bunch of friends who are in relationships, and even though everything seems to be fine and guy is great, there is still some things that keep popping up. Like for instance.... Guy brings flowers, takes you out for a lunch--- but , BUT, BUT, he keeps liking half naked girls on instagram..   OR guy keeps pointing out every hot female in public, but does not have any social media sites...  BUT in general- guy is great, nice, friendly,  attentive... SO...    BUT AGAIn, points out every hot female who walks past him...

IMO, I don't mind it. Myself I do the same, if super hot dude, that smells good walks past me, I LOOK.. I even took a second look.. NOT because I want him, but  because beautiful people are beautiful to look at and I once read, that   staring at beautiful things can  add years to your life.

Now fast forward to  my world.....

I am very shy outgoing person... I don't know if these 2 even can be used in same sentence but that is how i feel about myself.    I am shy at first, but when I get to know you , i leave my shyness behind and I will give you my all. That is how I operate....  So this amazing guy that I have in my life right now...  He is in so many way similar to me.  quiet, but same time the best conversationalist I have had for a long time.  I could talk to him about anything and he always says the right thing.  Just amazing... But same time. there are some things that make me go .. interesting.... God has very funny sense of humor.. TOOO FUNNY....

 I prayed for a great guy for me, and I truly did get  amazing person... But here are some buts...

lets start BUT number one..
*I love wine-  HE does not drink any alcohol
*I love going out   once in a while- HE prefers indoors (  I have good girlfriends to tag along if want to go out, no biggy)
* I am foody, and love experimenting with foods and different flavors- HIS taste is pretty "vanilla", very simple.. There is nothing wrong with that, I just can't take him to  restaurants that serve adventurous food, and I have to be careful myself what to cook.... lol  thats a tough task
* I love to cuddle all the time- He is more independent in that sense... ( but I get my cuddles when needed ;)
*  I love to listen loud music all through out the day- NOW I am toning down, because I actually have to respect our space ....( yes, I am no longer single)
*  I LOVE to hold hands in public and public affection in general- BUT he is again little more SHY when it comes to it...

There are few more little things here and there, but in general.. I AM SO HAPPY..
Why I think that life has funny sense or humor is because... HE is the man I need in my life 100%.. Fuck it... even 200%... He is everything that  Is lacking in my life right now... He mellows me out and calms my spirit, and wants me to be so much better person than I was before I met him..  I was good person to start with, but because of him, i want to be even better .. .Is that even possible... I really don't know... It is surreal how things can change overnight...  He is amazing.

Of course there are little things I have to get used to about him, but we all have our little issues other person has to deal with.. I can do it.   He is soooo right in so many levels...  He does not even have to say anything and I already understand him.. But I still bug him with annoying questions all the time:)... ( yeah, we woman can be super annoying)

He locked me down..... damn... He is insanely smart , and charming, and handsome and sexy... And so charismatic... everybody who meets him, fall in love with him. Well, that could be a bad thing... lol

SO anyways..   I know I am in good hands... I just have to get over few issues and  We will be just fine.  I LOVE my smart MAN....

So..  Time will tell. What I wrote about is not it... Challenges  that matter the most are around the corner, and  I am trying to figure out if I will be part of those, or I will be pushed aside..... will see.... xo

Monday, January 2, 2017

Happy New Year!!!!!

HAPPY, HAPPY NEW YEAR

I had pretty damn good  Night . Spent it with Friends who matter .  TO bad , all my besties are all over this world and we could not be under the same roof.  But wherever you are my Dear friends... You are always on my mind...   you are always on my mind... Also wish my hot and smart boyfriend was with me celebrating, but he had made plans long time  before we became an item. Which is ok.   Will get to see him very soon... YEYYY. I am not single anymore..   And I haven't been for a while.... SO in love and happy. :)


 I really did not make any resolutions for this year.  Just want to live healthier lifestyle, so cutting out alcohol a loooot... A LOOOOOOTTTTTT. And in general want to take better care of myself.   Somehow it just clicked, that I need to love myself much more than I did before. And after I felt that way, and click happened,   I just became happier myself.   Makes sense.  And right then happy person walked into my life and claimed me....    Its a miracle.....

In general I live in some sort of colorful dream, where color PURPLE dominates...   I feel calmness when I surround myself with purple, and wherever I go I get so many smiles and comments out of people about my general presence... I could be walking on street and someone just stops and starts chatting with me . I love new and improved happy me :D


 I am feeling that couple of my dreams are coming true this year... ANd I will do anything to give it a little push to start with that .... xo

Friday, December 30, 2016

Oh my, This Estonian girl is on fire....

 I do not know who are my blog readers . I know about 15 people who religiously  tell me they have "checked " it out and love it...    An I can see country map , where readers come from, and  browsers they r using...   BTW.. I had no idea that my blog would pop up on some porn websites.. That was just weird.. But the other day, when I was checking traffic flow into DO NOT MESS WITH DIANA... lol-   2 of   sites were pretty hardcore porn sites... NO IDEA HOW that happened...
I Do watch porn myself,  so... I don't know...  mhm

Well, now..  It is 30th of December here In So Cal.  I am in my apartment, My christmas tree is all  lit in blue and white lights. I did take all ornaments away and put them to storage...  No need for them right now.   And I am happy.

This past year has been amazing adventure.   Last year this time I was Cat sitting my best friends cat In Woodland hills, and was thinking to myself. I WILL BE BaCK living here next year, same time... And I am back.   And I am not gonna move my nice out of here.. My home , my territory.....

 So all in all..    I had to give up a lot to gain LOTTER  something..  I cried my eyes out night in and night out. But  in the end of the day.. Do the fuck something D.  I got here. and Now I am moving on to do better things... MUCH BETTER....    2016 was damn good year, like every year before that..

Self growth, adventures, laughter, new interesting people,   travels,   everything.........


AND NOW...  again... as this year is coming to an end.. I have pretty damn amazing and smart, and handsome and  sophisticated and SMART( I did say that again) person in my life.  He brings calmness and balance to my being...  Balance I have been searching forever  and I did not even know it existed....   I am so grateful He did not give up on me and   kept coming back to me to claim what is his....    I'm always nervous when Im around him....... And I love it...

AND....  All of you , who are still not tired of me, and stuck by me all these years... I LOOOOOVE YOU... rrrrr....      That is all I want to do rest of my life.. Just Love... Just love, and  laugh, and be silly, and sexy and smart and  everything i could be that is in my power....


YOU too.. Be it....live it...

...

Thursday, December 29, 2016

30 days...

in 2 days. I will opt to 100% sober living for a month... on my own... Not a glass of wine,  not a shot of tequila.. Not even a  vodka drink with soda water ....

For a month.... I need it. and I can do it...

Wednesday, December 28, 2016

About me...

I had no plans to write tonight.  I had no plans to open myself even a little today. I  have felt overwhelming sadness today .......  I cried my out,  I spoke to myself.  And I pulled myself together........

But  I spoke to someone special today, and  before I was about to head to bed. Actually few times through out my today.  This person I spoke to- Brings calmness to my life.  It feels like noting but me, him and things that matter to me  and him exist...  It is so simple . And I love simple. But my life is nothing but simple.  It has been complicated chain of events since from the moment I was born..

How would Girl-excuse me---- WOMAN NOW- who was born in Estonia, end up in USA at age 38 single....  That is what I get asked every day I go out to order a coffee, or tee, or eat....

  And I love that people are curious, I LOVE QUESTIONS.  I LOVE telling them short version of my life story... Which is as follows:"I was born in Estonia, when I was 19 I met someone, fell in love, got engaged 2 months later, moved to NJ,  Had  one kid, then  moved to California , had second baby,  and  after I lost my daughter  - Daddy's girl , our sunshine, our  everything o multiple brain tumors after we all fought hard for 6 years-  life took me and my son to China... But we all know, what is BROKEN IN USA, you can't fix it in China...  So now I am back in California, my home and I am ready to stay :)......"

Yes this is the short version....If you want to hear long one , call me or message me, make coffee or wine time with me, and be ready for tons of tears...  But never , ever even try to judge me. My heart is made of steel...  It could crack, but it has ability to fix itself the ways, I thought  it is not possible, and still see good in everybody...

Right now at this moment, I am in my apartment. Staring at the ceiling while I am typing.  AND this  light fixture trio is installed crooked. And you know what It does not bother me. it still gives light the same way as it would have been installed completely straight.   And that is  how proud  I am of myself....   I do not let meaningless small things bother me anymore.. They used to... TRUST me, they bugged the fucking shitstorm out of me.  I was annoying as fuck. But it was because I was unhappy.  I was lonely,  and most of all..... I did not understand myself and love myself the way I was supposed to. At least now  at age 38 I am finally getting there... Journey is still not over... but I'm on my way...


OH.. btw.. haha..  One things I want people to understand... My SEXY accent is not reflection of me.   It is not my personality.   You should not trust me more because of my accent.  ....  I am person first, and luckily, I got a chance to travel the world and learn languages...   And  because I roll my RRRRSSS..,  and say my v and w's weird.....  does not mean,  I am  easy target.....

Get to know me and see beyond my accent... BUT I DO KNOW, couple of you who read this blog, read it with MY ACCENT... YOu know who you are, you told me so :D


   I want to wish you all lots of LOVE .   Live a little.. Take that  one chance you always wanted to... and don't regret anything ..........  Just love... and love returns...

From my little home to yours- Hug your loved ones today, tell them you see them and you care for them, and you love them......    .....  Tomorrow is not granted...... Now is the moment....




Monday, December 26, 2016

Pair of boots...

 I know, I am going to sound silly now...   But what came to my mind yesterday kind of made sense...

I am one of those people who would wear piece of clothing till  it was so worn out that even  less privileged would refuse  to accept it from me.. AND same is with shoes and boots.. I'd wear them till there is nothing left to wear....

 And  2 days ago  I bought pair of boots that just called my name... I refused them couple of times, before I tried them on.    I did not even know their price, but they looked expensive....  Shiny,   clean, simple, different..  Just the way I like my things. "ME"


 And I finally tried them on, and I did not want to take them off.    They felt sooo good on my feet . It was amazing.     Even to that point I still did not know the price. And first thing I usually do when something fits right is I check price.....  But I did not...    

I was standing in line and I could not contain my excitement ,  so I grabbed one boot, looked under it.. And   i laughed out loud....   I am not kidding.    Price was only 49 dollars.... I expected to be at least 150 dollars.

 These boots are the boots I would love to fall asleep in. wake up in, wear them till  there is nothing left to wear.     And if there is nothing left to wear, I would find a way to repair them.... I would never want them to leave me...

And in a way that is how my life has been as well...  I try to fix whatever does not work....-- It takes time,   it hurts,    I don't take advice very easily- I like to have my own experiences.....  But this pair of boots... just  made me realize something important for me....  Take chances....      And please believe in your chances Diana....  Just  Live and love and trust the process. DOn't try to rush it....


  Yes, I know it is silly. But there is someone out there who would give  anything for pair of boots...   And one day, I would love to be the one on the streets to hand out boots to people who need them... NOT HIGH heals...lol.. But something that would keep their feet warm...  SOmething that  would  give them  strength  to think outside of  "skid row"....